10 Worst Things About Living in Las Vegas 4

10 Worst Things About Living in Las Vegas 4

08 Aug 2010 | 18:50 Author:

7) Education

To call Las Vegas schools "education" is probably an insult to the word "education".  In reality, Vegas schools are taxpayer funded babysitting services where 19-year-old Filipino women are paid in banana peels to stand guard over 9 year old girls wearing tight pants with the words "Cum Slut" embroidered on the ass because mommy figured it was never too soon to prepare them to work the pole.

Seriously, while some far-flung suburbs have the odd decent school ... overall ... Vegas schools are so bad that they're laughable.

Like doctors, you have to wonder what would make a teacher pack up and move to a gambling-only destination like Las Vegas to teach.  Also like doctors, the answer is that they are probably too under-qualified to do so anywhere else.

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Nevada ranks dead-last in High School graduation rates.  51st out of 51 (including Washington DC).  Only about 4 in 10 students graduate.  In every other education metric, Nevada consistently ranks at or near the bottom.

Since there are few "thinking" jobs in Las Vegas, there is little or no motivation for kids to learn.  Also, for the same reasons, there is little to no motivation for the state to teach.

This town needs bartenders, waitresses, strippers, dealers, and maids ... not rocket scientists and pharmaceutical researchers.  We need "baby mommas" who will push out as many little Hectors as possible so that the Encore doesn't run out of minimum-wage dishwashers.  Las Vegas is a very, very anti-intellectual town and we have no use for book learnin'.  As such, we do not invest in that which we do not need.

Las Vegas schools exist to provide public daycare for casino workers, and to churn out new generations of poorly-paid hotel and casino workers.  That's it, nothing more.

In this respect, they fulfill their goals flawlessly.

If such a life for your children appeals to you, by all means move here and enroll them in one of our babysitting services.  If you expect them to learn how to read, write, or make change for a dollar ... move as far from this town as geographically possible.

8) Housing

In 2005, I considered buying a house here.

Seriously.

Fortunately, before signing a contract, I did what I've always done.  I became highly skeptical.  I threw away academia, I threw away the advice of "experts", and I analyzed the situation using my own best judgement.  This has always served me far better than following the advice of supposedly smart people and "experts".

I drove around, looked at the miles and miles of vacant land sitting only 3 miles from the Strip, and realized that a scam was afoot.  Las Vegas real estate was being spammed to idiots like the Nigerian lottery, and if a single homebuyer had bothered to spend a few days honestly assessing the situation, he/she should have been able to deduce that everything they were being told was a lie and a fraud.

Unfortunately, as I mentioned, Las Vegas does not attract the best and the brightest.  It attracts the greedy and the stupid.  Nowhere is this more evident than our housing market.

After my own research, I decided that there was no way in hell that I would buy a home in Vegas.  Supply greatly outstripped demand.

Of course, everyone told me that I was crazy.  "They aren't building any more land!" people SCREAMED.

Why did they scream this?

Because people like to live their lives by clichés.  It's tidy and it prevents them from having to think.  Cute clichés prevent people from having to justify their own irrational behavior.  As long as the cliché sounds wise, most people don't question them.

Every time people told me that no more land was being made in Las Vegas, I replied "they don't need to, there's more than enough empty land in the Mojave Desert to last for the next 10,000 years."

Even though my words made perfect sense, nobody listened to me because my rebuttal made for a shitty cliché.  Remember, cliché > reason.  Always.

By 2007, I remained the lone naysayer in Vegas as it pertained to real estate, and I received the exact same reception.  "You're negative, you're a misanthrope, you just don't want to listen to the experts, etc, etc, etc."

Well guys, it's 2010 ... where are your "experts" now?  Are they still standing beside you, smiling while stroking your cock and telling you what a genius you are for investing in Summerlin?

No.

I'll tell you where they are ... they are out there telling a new class of suckers what a GREAT DEAL your nearly-foreclosed home is.  The exact same person that sold you your house is waiting for you to get thrown out onto the street so that they can stick another California slumlord in the back of their car and take them on a "Foreclosure Tour" to make another 6% commission.

While I was busy being negative and misanthropic, your real estate agent was busy blowing smoke up your ass.  She was grinning, cheerful, and she told how your house would appreciate while your kids attended GREAT schools.

Do you still think optimism is a virtue, or like most other things in Las Vegas, do you realize that it's just a tool to separate you from your money?

Now, since I have been proven right on just about ... well, everything ... have any ... ANY of the optimists who shit down my neck come back and said "you were right".

No.  Not one.  Not one, single, solitary one.

Nobody wants to admit that the "experts" were a bunch of naked emperors.  People don't easily concede their own stupidity and gullibility.  Instead they just chalk it up to "bad timing".  It's far more digestable.

Most of the houses in Las Vegas are still owned by California trend-slaves who never met a geographic area they didn't take a massive shit on before abandoning it in like yesterday's MacBook.

I recently cruised back through my old West Side neighborhood, and the place looked like a McMansion ghetto.  "For Sale" signs were on every fourth house, and there were 5 cars crammed into 3 car driveways.  The middle-class is not moving to Las Vegas, and larger investment properties in the valley are often occupied by 2-3 lower income families.

If you want to buy a house to live out the rest of your life, Las Vegas now offers a relatively high bang for your buck.  The caveat is that your neighbors will still be absentee California fuckwipe landlords who still have three shakes left in their pecker before they are finished pissing all over Las Vegas.  Forget the notion of a real neighborhood.

If you are even remotely considering buying property in Las Vegas for short-term or investment purposes, then bend over.  You're about to get gleefully butt-slammed by the most friendly lady you ever met.  You'll probably fall for her spiel too.  After all, we're not making any more land.

History shall repeat itself with the Las Vegas housing market.  It will once again be hyped up, and it will once again crash.

When thinking of Las Vegas real estate, remember the wise words of George Walker Bush.

Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me ... you can't get fooled again.

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