The Cosmonaut

The Cosmonaut

15 Aug 2010 | 19:27 Author: Casinotop10

You know, I should probably stop doubting myself.  Although deep down I know that I'm always right, even a well-endowed super-genius such as myself has moments of insecurity.

For the last 6 years, I have been complaining about the heat in Vegas, and for that same amount of time, people have assured me that I didn't really have it all that bad because it was a "dry heat".

Much like the existence of God and America's superiority at ... well, everything ... sometimes when people repeat things often enough, you actually start to believe those things yourself.  Because of this, at one point, I began to question whether or not Vegas heat really was as bad as it felt over the years.

This weekend, I got my answer, and it confirmed what I already knew.

Yes.  Yes, it is and was that bad.

This past weekend, the Pacific Northwest experienced a heatwave.  It was 95 degrees in Seattle with 70% humidity (that was the reading when I left my house), and I didn't have any problems whatosever.  As a matter of fact, I found it so tolerable that I spent 8 hours outdoors, walked about 5 miles, and got one of the worst lobster suburns I've had in several years.  The sun got me, but the temperatures did not.

I don't care what anyone says, it's NOT the humidity ... it is the heat.

Also, once the sun went down, the Puget Sound dropped to the 60's overnight.  All I had to do in order to sleep was open the windows.

Anybody who tells you that their hometown is worse than Vegas because they get 95 degrees with 70% humidity is full of shit.  110 degrees is worse.  Much worse.  Always.  Period.  You guys have been calling me a whiner for the past 5 years, but I came, I saw, and in my opinion ... all of you "it's the humidity!" people are a bunch of swinging taliwhackers.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not happy that we're having a heat wave here, but it's nowhere near as oppressive as Las Vegas.

Suffice to say that I will doubt myself no more.

Anyway, speaking of The City That Rex Built (sometimes known as "Las Vegas"), I have added yet another trip to my calendar and that day shall be December 15, 2010.


Because that is when the new Cosmopolitan Hotel and Casino will open its vagina to the general public.  At least that's what I think they mean by "soft opening".

Yours truly will be staying in the new property on opening night and I am getting a room with a "premium view" so that I can get my photo swerve on.  The room was booked for me, but I believe the final cost was somewhere in the neighborhood of 4 bills with the LVCVA tax factored in.  I guess this will be a minor step up from Rexville, although the lack of a grungy, overrated little custard stand might cause me to run screaming for the more comfortable environs of Las Vegas Boulevard and Oakey Dokey.

Now, even though I am excited enough about the Cosmo to stay there on day #1, I cannot help but feel that the place has a long, uphill climb to profitability.

We are talking about a property that is getting ready to dump 3,000 rooms onto the Las Vegas Strip, 12 months after another property dumped 5,000 rooms onto the same block.  It's not as if the World Class Urban Meeting Place is running at capacity, either.  They are hovering around 60% occupancy, even with greatly discounted rooms.  If the Cosmopolitan is going to make a run of it, they will need to cannibalize rooms from someone, and the only real candidates are City Center or the Bellagio.  It will be quite the battle.

In addition to a 50-story hotel, the Cosmo will also be unveiling a 100,00 square foot casino, 60,000 square feet of retail space, and 11 "celebrity chef" restaurants.  Not to be out-douch'ed by either the Encore or Aria, Cosmo will also be unveiling a "nightclub pool" run by the Tao Group ... which will not interest me in the slightest.  

Honestly, of all of the attractions listed, I don't give a rat's ass about any of them besides the casino and the rooms. 

There is no word yet on which ringtone band the Cosmo will hire for the debut of their new pool, but my money is on Soulja Boy.

In any event, the date has been set, so mark December 15th on your calendar.  It is the next, and likely last major casino opening Las Vegas will ever see.  And by ever, I truly mean ... ever.

I really think that this will be it for a good, long while, and it's the primary reason that I want to be at this particular opening.

Now if you will excuse me, I have some dance moves to practice.  I plan to hit the tables quite a bit on opening night, and I fully expect that I will be comped into the new pool based on my play.

I'm kind of stuck on the "Superman" part, and the last thing I want to do is show up and make a fool out of myself.

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