I've never been much of a slots player.
Sure, I've played them from time-to-time, but rarely for more than 10-15 minutes in a sitting. I usually slip a $10 bill into a machine and smack the button until it's gone or until I've doubled up, whichever comes first (usually the former). Frankly, I don't understand how people play the same machine hour after hour after hour, but I've seen this happen with my own eyes -- typically by older ladies at Wheel of Fortune or homely 40-somethings at Sex and the City slots.
When I acquired access to an online gaming account, my intent was to play only "strategy" games. Blackjack, Video Poker, Texas Hold'Em, maybe a little Roulette here and there ... games that required that I make at least some rudimentary decisions. I didn't think I would be too terribly interested in playing slots for more than a quick hit here and there, and for the most part, I've been right.
There has, however, been one small exception.
Over the past week or so, I've still been working on "free play". This is a bonus added to an account when you first sign up that lets you play without risking your own money. The caveat of free play is that you generally have to use the free money on games with lower payouts. The casino won't let you hammer away at $1 Blackjack for a couple days with $150 in comped dollars and I can't really blame them.
Because of the free play issue, I've used the free cash to sample a variety of online slot machines. Due to the amount of comped play available, I think it's safe to say that I've played more slots in the past two weeks online than I did in the previous 2 years in Vegas. It's not that I've suddenly rediscovered an affinity for slots, it's that I don't mind going through all of the reel games and messing around with them when I'm technically doing it on the house's dime.
During my time in slot machine free-play purgatory, I think I have finally found perhaps my favorite video slot of all time.
I would go so far as to say that it's the dopest, the chillest, the stone-cold illest -- the pimpest, the fattest, the stone cold baddest slot machine I have ever come across. The machine has a bassline that's so funky, you need a can of Right Guard just to play it. Without a doubt, this machine rocks the microphone like Al Capone:
Keep in mind that I am using a tiny camera with a tiny mic in this video. In order to get your full swerve on, this game absolutely needs to be played with external speakers. If you crank it up with a 100 watt+ subwoofer, the groove is so nasty that you're gonna need a VD shot.
Fine, I've gotten carried away and grossly over-stated things, but still, for a slot machine the soundtrack is alright. It's not easy to get excited about slots, so I have to get a bit ridiculous just to make things interesting. Perhaps the beat is not all that, but it's certainly better than the lame "Wheel! ... Of! ... Fortune!" refrain we have all become accustomed to. After cycling through 20+ machines, this is the one that has spoken to me the most. Not only that, but since it's on my computer, I even recorded the audio, threw it into Garage Band, and made it into a loop. Try taking your laptop into the Bellagio casino floor and doing that.
Anyway, I just thought I would share.
Now if you will excuse me, I'm going to finally exhaust my free play and get access to the table games. I'm going to plug in my headphones, turn the sound up, and burn through the rest of my bonus cash on the machine you see above.
Damn it feels good to be a gangster.