2012-12-12 18:24:13
2015-02-02 04:14:47

Pink as a Dog's Dick: Several Painfully Obvious Reasons to Love Anne Hathaway

There is some serious backlash out there towards the old "actress-singer-dancer" combo.

In Old Hollywood, this would have been known as being a "triple threat" and made you an American Sweetheart. In modern Hollywood, apparently it mean you're just a threat to entertainment.

Online gossipmongers Buzzfeed recently examined the online hate for one of those modern triple threats -- the delightful Anne Hathaway -- in a post entitled, “Why Do People Hate Anne Hathaway?”

Frankly, the evidence found me wanting.

Yep, people are entitled to hate people -- and famous people in particular. But the reasons found all over the interwebs these days are bizarrely predictable and oddly rude.

I love Anne Hathaway. Why do I love Anne Hathaway? Because! Here are several reasons you should too:

1. She is a Huge Dork

Huge dorks are awesome.

There are many other beloved dorks -- the cast of The Big Bang Theory, Star Trek casts past and present, Bill Gates -- but Hathaway for some reason doesn't get that kind of love.

People always say “nerds are cool,” but Anne Hathaway is somehow not considered cool. There’s something about her mix of style, substance and ability that makes her insanely uncool in the realm of dorks.

She is both cool and a dork. She doesn’t mind making a fool of herself. She sounds smart in interviews and is a huge theatre nerd.

But apparently theatre nerds are not considered cool unless their name starts with Neil and ends with Patrick Harris.

2. She’s Cute

We can prattle on forever about whether or not she’s "beautiful," but there's no denying the lady is adorable.

Yeah, big doe-eyes, shiny hair (short or long, are both equally flattering), full lips and a welcoming smile. What more could you ask for in cuteness? Nothing, that’s what.

Unlike that other wide-grinning actress -- you know the one with the red hair -- Hathaway seems genuine and not a total bitch.

It’s nice to see sincere smiles. (That’s another sign of being a dork, just to be clear.)

3. She Makes Pretty Great Career Choices

Compared to other actresses in her age range, Hathaway has made some stellar career moves.

Her resume isn’t a wasteland of panned rom-coms or Nicholas Sparks weepers.

From The Princess Diaries to The Devil Wears Prada, she transitioned from being a tween-dream in a crown to a proper adult with complex feelings.

She’s been in big action movies, like The Dark Knight Rises, and in gorgeous, sad dramas, like Brokeback Mountain.

To those calling her untalented, did all these haters not see Rachel Getting Married? Probably, because that was some acting realness.

Sure she goes big. A lot. But I like it big. I like it bold. Remember when “big” was in and De Niro and Pacino ruled the 70s screens?

And she can be subtle too, like a woman looking the other way while her husband humps on his BFF in a western button-up.

She makes the trailers for Les Miserables look so great. Making a movie musical look appealing is a tall order, especially when your vocal track is the audio crux of the whole damn thing.

4. She’s Never Forgiven

Other actresses make terrible movies and yet are constantly given more and more chances. It’s likely because they are men’s magazine fodder, and therefore less hated. Ladies in underpants are 75% less hateable than women who wear avant-garde designer clothes.

This is some percentage I looked up. Or made up. You decide!

5. She Wore a Crazy Headpiece to Her Wedding

Sure, it was crazy. it was big. It was pink as a dog’s dick. But she wasn’t embarrassed by it and she wore the hell out of it.

I can’t help but give kudos to a woman who decided a gauzy bow was the answer to bridal festiveness.

6. She’s Immensely Talented

Sorry, haters, the lady is a true triple threat. Singing, dancing, acting.

She’s also kind of a quadruple threat because she’s mastered another of my favourite activities: mugging.

Her stint as Oscar host, and all of her interview appearances, have her mugging like she’s broke and I damn well can’t get enough of it.

Mug, girlfriend.

7. I Could Totally See Myself Hanging Out With Her (And So Could You)

Anne Hathaway is not scary. If I saw Anne Hathaway in the street, I might be tempted to venture over and say hello to her, and then maybe we could dork out and it would be all cools.

She’s not intimidating. She’s awesome.

She’s a girl who’s been bullied and hated and continues to glow and sing, dammit.

Call me a dork, but I like that.

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