This will be the biggest tween scandal of our time.
Well, our tweens’ time. After both US and People revealed stories that the princess of vampires cheated on her pale, wild-haired prince the internet has blown up into a sparkly, blood-sucking frenzy.
Twilight fans have come unhinged. Those who’ve shipped these two, even before their public (potentially fraudulent) relationship off-screen, are reeling from the effects of the imminent break-up of their beloved Robsten.
That's Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart, for the uninitiated, though I imagine there are few who fall into that category.
Canoodling Flash Fire
The scandal stems from photos of Kristen canoodling with a man, her Snow White and the Huntsmen director, Rupert Sanders.
Photos of the two of them together in various states of touching were released. These photos barely had time to simmer before the flash fire came in the form of admissions of guilt from Kristen and Rupert.
Both released statements of apology to their significant others, families and of course, indirectly, fans and anyone who happens to have an internet connection.
The director, no less, is a married father of two children whose wife played Kristen's mother in Snow White.
Man, that is some awkward business right there.
Fans Expect Perfection
Kristen has always been vocal about her hatred of the paparazzi, her fear of people coming after her and her general dislike of being in the public eye.
As one of the most famous amongst the most insane fanatical groups, she’s got her hands full avoiding the public eye and public scrutiny.
These fans expect perfection and are wholly invested in every move she makes.
As a celebrity it’s part of her job. As an actor she must promote her movies, stand on red carpets, make appearances at awards shows and ComicCons and whatever other venues draw a crowd.
She must go outside to film movies, especially ones like Twilight that involve running and jumping and fighting evil in the deep, lush woods of the Pacific Northwest.
And Kristen Stewart has now done the one thing that will ensure she gets even more paparazzi attention than ever before.
Stages of Grief
Even though there are people involved, couples, children, the real story is about the fans.
They’re the ones we can watch as the meltdown online, as they take to their social media outlets to mourn and commiserate and conspire.
Fans were going through many stages. Denial, in which case the photos had been Photoshopped, were not real, were a hoax.
Shortly after the story broke this particular tweet was retweeted 791 times, and #robstenisunbroken was one of the top trending topics.
Robsten is real. Robsten is true love. Robsten is unbroken.
Retweeted 791 times
On Tumblr there were numerous denials and hopes for a favourable outcome:
I want her to say she was drunk or drugged or whatever. I want this nightmare to end.
As the affair became more of a reality the next stage was extreme tearfulness, in which case they are unable to write more than a few meagre words:
I don’t think people understand. I’m emotionally invested in their relationship.
After the tears subsided there was rage, in which fans create anti-Kristen memes and Tumblr starts to look even scarier:
Bitch, when you got Rob Pattinson at home why in the world would you wanna cheat with THAT guy who's 20 years older than you???? -
And finally, acceptance, in which the Twilight fanatics choose sides.
No Hope for Happiness
In the early days of the Twilight franchise a clever marketing ploy involved selling t-shirts reading either Team Jacob or Team Edward.
Now this can play out in the real world as people choose to stand by Kristen or Rob.
Most of the fan commentary comes from heartbreak and rage. Heartbreak that their gloomy, golden onscreen couple are not perfect off screen, but also because that means there is no hope for happiness.
It’s not that hard to sympathize. If the epitome of your perception of love was completely destroyed, you might take it out on an unsuspecting blog post too.
You saw what losing-is-effortless posted. Emotional investment. It’s all there.
Bleating Twihards Carry On
Despite all this initial drama this story will unlikely affect the box-office clout of the final instalment in the saga.
If put on sale an hour after the cheating scandal began, midnight-screening tickets would still be sold out and scalpers would be staked out behind multiplexes trying to score cash off of bleating Twihards yearning to be first in line.
In fact, it’s a genius PR move. The likelihood of the affair being real stands at about 50/50.
The other 50% of course is that the whole thing is a stunt, a scenario that could play out to appease or anger fans in a variety of ways that will all inevitably lead to them purchasing tickets to the final instalment in the blockbuster series.
Kristen has her haters that aren’t Twilight fans.
People who complain that she doesn’t’ smile enough on red carpets, is awkward and terrible in interviews, dresses horribly, isn’t deserving of a guy like Rob and is a mumbly, terrible actor.
Everyone is entitled to their opinions, but damn, girl. It’s gotta suck to now have to deal with the backlash coming from the people who love you so much they’d bleed out for you.
Mega Twilight fan Nutty Madam took to her YouTube shortly after the story broke to reveal her unbearably sad, confused feelings.
Among her thoughts to Kristen, whom she’s never been a fan of, “What do you stand to achieve by cheating on Robert Pattinson?”
The answers vary depending on how the story plays out, but it stands to reason she achieves more fame, more notoriety and potentially a better reputation.
Those who hate on Kristen feel that she has no personality, is bland or boring (despite her constant biting digs at things she doesn’t like, her propensity for giving the finger) but an adulterer is infinitely more interesting than a wallflower.
That much is true. Kristen, by getting her sexy on or at least pretending to has become a more compelling person.
Score one for Team Kristen.