Well, January came and went.
The first month of the year makes people think of fresh starts and letting go of the past so they can move forward with their lives, persevere and succeed in the coming months.
Sadly in the world of celebrity gossip January gave us a lot of the same old, same old.
Some things were delightfully unsurprising. Some were less than inspiring. Mostly, these are things that were expected.
It’s all been very status quo around here. To recap the year so far, here are five unsurprising things that happened in January.
1. Lindsay Lohan Did Not Go to Jail
Yes, yet again, Lindsay Lohan avoided going to jail.
She also almost avoided going to her court date, but you know what -- not going to jail is always better than not going to court.
Does it matter what this particular court date was for?
Not really. They all sort of blend together in a frothy crimes and misdemeanours smoothie.
Her most recent legal trouble: a car crash she was involved in this past summer which violated her parole (so many things she does violate her parole, sigh) and also was a car crash.
Lindsay might have ended up in the slammer for playing bumper cars and lying to the cops about it.
But she didn’t. She just gets another of her patented Lohan court dates. Which will be followed by a patented Lohan-avoids-her-court-date, until she’s threatened with a warrant or jail time.
Then her sad lies will melt away and she’ll show up freshly collagen-lipped and ready to sit through another waste of time court date.
2. Chris Brown Got in a Fight
Noted dirtbag and complete piece of human garbage, Chris Brown, did what he does best in the final week of January: dude got himself into a physical altercation.
Rumours abound about it but the gist is that he got into a brawl with singer-songwriter Frank Ocean over a parking space.
Yup, this guy has reached into the bottom of the angry-man barrel to fight over a section of concrete and a few white lines. And not the kind I’m sure he has enough money to not have to fight over.
How many times can a man rough people up and still not serve jail time or feel any remorse?
Apparently infinity times, because he’s young, rich and famous.
See you here next month where surely there will be another Chris Brown battery charge for us to shake our heads over.
3. Les Miserables Mean Girls tumblr
It seemed inevitable that the ongoing Mean Girls memes wouldn’t stop at touching the sacred cow that is the greatest musical of all time -- especially after it became a big, fancy Hollywood movie.
Les Miserables has always been ripe for memes, but now we have screen-caps. And thus, one of the greatest internet creations was born.
January gave us a beautiful gem in this tumblr cross-over meme dream. The sad French folks singing their hearts out now have accompanying captions from one of the most quotable movies.
Girls love Mean Girls and girls love Les Mis. It’s a marriage as beautiful as Marius and Cosette’s.
You go, Jean Valjean!
4. Kris Jenner Got a Talk Show
The mother of all that is unholy -- and by that I mean the Kardashian brood -- will now be telling us all what she thinks even more often than usual.
Yes, Kris Jenner, Kardashian den mother of doom, will now take over the daytime airwaves of Fox this summer.
While its slated to include celebrity interviews, fashion and beauty advice and other lifestyle topics, surely there will also be cameo appearances by all of her children.
One can’t merely let other famous people be in the spotlight more than one's own children. Come on now.
As well, expect Kris to give us all advice on how to pimp out children for fun and profit.
She’s an expert and you know what they say: talk about what you know.
5. Taylor Swift Suffered a Break Up
Yup. Swifty crafted herself new song material!
In perhaps the most unsurprising news, Swift has yet again become a single woman.
Her relationship with One Direction teen heartthrob Harry Styles has ended just a few brief months after it began.
Now, I think Taylor should be free to date who she wants and as many dudes as she wants.
It’s the song-writing angle that niggles my craw. It would just be nice if she had some non-break up material.
But perhaps the most unsurprising thing of all will come six months from now, when her Harry Styles-break up track charts at number one.