You hear that sound?
It’s the clapping, hooting sound of approval and adoration. Yes, you’ve won a coveted award.
You’ve been chosen above the others to take home the top prize. You’re the best. You’re the tops.
Once you’ve won that award it isn’t the end of the road. That award is your new BFF. At least for the rest of the evening.
You must carry it around, you must hold it, you must show it off for all to see. You must allow camera flashes to capture the two of you together.
No doubt many of our finest actors (and also worst actors I’m sure) have at one time in their lives practiced for this moment. Hoisting something shiny or heavy and delivering a speech that will express his or her deepest self.
But backstage, you’ve already delivered that speech. There are no words. Just hoards and hoards and hoards of cameras waiting to take photographs and immortalize the winner and their trophy.
Based on recent awards shows, here are some dos and don’ts for those who’ve recently lived their dream of being a winner
DON’T Make a Constipation Face
C’mon, that’s no way to treat your new BFF. That’s rude behaviour.
Kevin Costner here is exhibiting some seriously underwhelming face and it’s very disheartening. How does his Golden Globe feel? Probably very hurt.
How can you not be genuinely happy? You have a shiny new thing to take home with you! You have bragging rights!
You have been given something above a whole bunch of other people. Don’t ruin it by being a sour jerk.
If you’re feeling grumpy, just suck it up and then when you get home just shoot some TVs and hate-eat a frozen cake.
If Tommy Lee Jones takes home the Oscar for Best Supporting Actor you know he will not take a word of my advice.
That curmudgeon just does not listen.
Do you want your new BFF to get a complex because you look so stoic next to him/her?
No. You do not. You smile and enjoy your damn self.
You can look like a serious actor when you’re acting.
If your new BFF is taking you out on the town and making you the hottest bitch on the scene, then don’t be a jerk about it.
If you’ve won two, like Bryan Cranston here, then you’ll smile twice as much. Look at that face. Pure joy.
DO Be Funny
This is a good time. Enjoy the moment.
It’s serious, but your reverence was already expressed on stage.
It’s ok to take a few goofy shots, like Tina Fey here.
She’s mugging, she’s enthusiastic and she looks genuine while doing it.
This shot looks like it’s someone else’s SAG Awards and she’s not so stealthily making off with it.
Stealing a prize given to someone by their peers. Classic comedy.
DON’T Catalogue Pose
Sure it might be intentionally funny, but Sofia Vergara looks like she’s displaying a food dehydrator on a late-night infomercial.
She is using a classic advertising pose and a celebratory event like this is no place for catalogue poses.
This is real time, for real poses.
You’re not trying to sell your new best friend.
This is a relationship for life.
How much fun is it if you don’t introduce your new friend to all your old friends?
Not very much fun.
Look at Allison Williams, Zosia Mamet and Lena Dunham all together being the three awards show musketeers with the trophy.
They look like they all belong together and are going to get up early for brunch and book shopping.
DON’T space out
If you’re standing in the designated pose-with-your-award photo area then look like it, dammit!
Clea DuVall is giving some serious focus and glamor.
Alan Arkin is completely out to lunch.
Tate Donovan is thrusting his trophy in the air like he won the Super Bowl.
Get it together guys.
You won best cast, you know how to work as a team.
DO Use It As a Microphone
Later, when you’re out partying with your new BFF and banging out Journey songs at the karaoke bar you’ll have had a little practice.
Adele knows how to sing, so she’s ahead of the curve.
But you can learn from her.
DO Kiss It
Take a hint from Damian Lewis (above) and pucker up!
Show you award some affection.
Love it and let the world know that this shiny object in your hands is important to you.