Ok. I love me some awards shows.
They're one of my favorite things in the whole wild world. They embody decadence and absurdity and false praise.
I talk about them a lot. Maybe more than I talk about certain family members.
That might not seem healthy to some people, but not everyone is me. This is a perfectly healthy response to really famous rich people receiving shiny statues.
You haven’t met all the members of my family either. Maybe there’s a reason not to talk about them.
Recently the Primetime Emmy Awards aired on the TV. For three hours the people who populate our television were out in full force.
Ok. That’s a stretch. They were out in sort of force.
The whole show felt meh. It wasn’t wholly boring, but there was nothing to write home about.
This year it wasn’t horrible, but it certainly wasn’t a rollicking good time.
There weren’t too many memorable moments, classic speeches or quirky moments to break up the never-ending praise of Modern Family or 2 and a Half Men.
Yes. That show is still on, being called a comedy being given comedy awards and still not being a comedy as it’s not funny.
Most of the winners were either predictable or boring and the jokes and sketches uninspired.
The few highlights were brief intakes of fresh air.
Here are just a few criticisms and also helpful suggestions to improve the ceremony for 2013 and years beyond.
Can’t criticize without providing some ideas for future excellence, now can I?
1. Never Overlook Mad Men Again
Mad Men was up for a whopping 17 awards. That’s a lot of nominations, and of course they were deserved.
As one of the most consistently quality shows on television this particular season offered a wide swath of amazing acting, writing and directing talent.
The strange thing is apparently their near perfection wasn’t good enough to warrant a single golden statue.
The presence of the charming cast was also almost nowhere to be found on stage. Oonly series lead Jon Hamm presented, which only added to the sad, drabness of the evening.
Let’s never let another ceremony go by with the beautiful and talented cast of Mad Men mostly left to languish in their seats.
It’s a waste.
2. More Chartreuse
Overall the fashion this time around was pretty bold.
There were patterns, there were colours, there were risks.
Let’s abandon our navy and black crutches and dive into the world of boldness.
If the ceremony has to be boring, at least let us look at some wild colours.
3. Let Amy Poehler Do Everything
Last year Amy Poehler and her other Best Actress in a Comedy series nominees staged a hilarious beauty-pageant style sketch on stage as their names were announced.
This year she appeared in one of the greatest bits, wherein her and eventual winner Julia-Louis Dreyfus pretended to switch acceptance speeches.
It was brief and charming. And when she presented her banter and hilarity with Louis CK was a delightful highlight.
Not to be petty, but the woman looked smoking hot. Her hair was shiny as any trophy and her cleavage a marvel to behold.
Since the academy can’t seem to honor her lovely genius, let’s just let her dominate the show, shall we?
4. Give the Brits Some Time to Shine
The BBC series, Sherlock, has something to appeal to almost every type of audience: mystery, quirkiness, emotional, wry humor and style to burn.
Again, like Mad Men, don’t keep Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman under wraps on the sidelines.
Give the Brits some time to shine. No one had the time to write a sketch about their crime-solving love story?
A sketch with fast cut-aways and violin playing mocking the protagonists uncanny crime-solving abilities?
No one could wear a Sherlock Holmes hat for two seconds? There are options, people!
Both Freeman and Cumberbatch (though as voice only) will be featured in Peter Jackson’s epic adaptation (in three films for hell’s sake) of The Hobbit.
Since the Lord of the Rings trilogy was one of the biggest grossing films ever, you’d think it might be smart to use these dudes to your advantage in the marketing lead up to what is sure to be an epic film.
This would also increase international interest, and those are viewership numbers awards telecasts are constantly striving to increase. C’mon, people want to see those two charmers giving each other the eyes.
5. Let Jimmy Fallon Do a Ridiculous Musical Number
The guy is charming. And good hearted.
No swarthy jokes or cut-downs from him. He brings out the best of old and new school talk show hosts: wit, cleverness, cultural relevance and good times.
When he last hosted he brought together stars from a myriad of TV shows into a huge, backstage-and-onstage spanning epic musical number.
It was clever, funny and wholly entertaining.
With his schoolboy grin and participatory vibe I’m sure the whole shindig will feel more fun loving and vibrant and less like going to an end of the year school awards ceremony where you don’t know any of the kids.